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What I Wish I Knew Before Residency: A Letter from One Medical Wife to Another

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Dear friend,

Hi! We’ve made it this far! I remember sitting in the trenches of med school thinking, Is this ever going to get better? Well… maybe not better, but better in different ways.

If you’re currently in your husband’s or partner’s 4th year, here’s my number one piece of advice: take a vacation before residency!! I know—it’s a crazy, stressful season, and planning a trip might feel overwhelming. But trust me, you won’t regret it. Residency is going to be tough and insanely busy! So use those precious weeks off to soak each other in. Whether it’s Hawaii, Europe, or anywhere that feels like a getaway. Grab an ice-cold Dr. Pepper and remember—you’re already in debt, so what’s one more trip gonna hurt? 😉

Match Day.
I had a gut feeling we’d end up in Florida. We’d done a first look trip and fell in love with the area, the people—and yes—even the humidity. You know that thick, warm air when you land in a humid place? I loved it as a kid! Then we’d fly back to Utah and… I felt empty inside.

When Drew opened the email and read “Florida,” I had mixed emotions. My first thought was: Heck yes! I’m the type of person who secretly loves being pushed out of my comfort zone. I’m self-conscious, but I’ve learned the reward is usually worth it—so I go for it anyway. New beaches? No snow? Disney World? Sign me up! Link to my amusement park essentials.

But my second thought was: Whoa, that’s literally across the country. At the time, we were living close to both our families. I had this little voice in my head asking, Can I find that same support in Florida as a stay-at-home mom? So many unknowns. So many nerves.

Moving Day.
Drew and his parents drove our stuff across the country (absolute saints), and Sienna and I flew out a few days later (living hell?). Flying solo with a one-year-old who doesn’t talk? One of the hardest things I’ve done. First flight: great. Second flight: she was done. She wanted to walk around, explore strangers’ luggage, and just be free. I cried. She cried. And the only thing keeping me going was this thought:
“This flight will end. Everything will be okay.”
Also: “People are entitled to a child-free life, but not a child-free world.”

Yeah, you might get stares. You might get rude comments. But as long as you’re trying? That’s what matters. (I bribed her with candy. Not proud, but desperate times.) Most people were incredibly kind—one guy even offered to carry my bags after Sienna had kicked him in the head. My hero.

Florida + Residency Life.
What a wild ride. Roaches the size of my hand. Bugs that look like they belong in Jurassic Park. Tadpole infestation in our pool. HURRICANES?! But somehow… one of my favorite homes.

We’ve been to SeaWorld (I’m obsessed with sea creatures), Busch Gardens, and Aquatica more times than I can count, plus Universal Studios—and we’re slowly making our way to Disney World. Beaches have become our go-to weekend escape, and BBQ has never tasted so good. Along the way, we’ve fallen in love with Florida’s culture and warm people. It’s been a slow but rewarding journey of discovering new places and building a new circle of friends.

I get it: when you move to a new place, socializing sounds exhausting. But what if—hear me out—it’s actually fun?! I’ve made friends here I’ll keep for life. I’m lucky to live in an area with lots of residency wives and a church full of young families, but no matter where you are, your people are out there. You just have to find them.

Start with local Facebook groups. Chat with that mom at the park or the person next to you at the gym. A local WhatsApp women’s group chat has been a game changer—full of kid-friendly events, park meetups, and the occasional “anyone want this high chair before I donate it?” (11/10 recommend). If one doesn’t exist, be the brave one and start it! You never know who’s waiting for a friend just like you.

And when it comes to finding your people? It might take a few awkward playdates and canceled plans to find your crew. Most moms are just trying to stay afloat, carrying more than anyone can see. Keep showing up. Keep trying!!!

Turns out, leaving home doesn’t mean losing community—it means building a new one in the most unexpected places. Beach days, game nights, never ending group texts, pickleball matches—these women have become my people, my support system, my village.

Exploring Your New City.
Plan a beach day, check out a local spring, eat your way through the best restaurants, cheer at the nearest college game—just try something new. Don’t waste the time! One of Drew’s biggest regrets from med school? Not exploring more of Boise. Laundry can wait (or burn—I’m not picky). Go out and touch grass. Make the memories!

One thing that’s helped us stay present? A simple family bucket list. It keeps us intentional and scores us easy wins. Want one too? Grab a printable version in my Summer Bucket List for Kids blog!

Marriage in Residency.
It’s hard. You’ll go to bed alone, wake up alone, and eat dinner alone more times than you can count. His shift might be scheduled until 7 pm but it could be 10pm before he walks through the door. It’s frustrating—I’ve cried over canceled plans and the reality of sharing one car and an e-bike. But over time, you adjust. You learn to let go of the schedule and lean into flexibility. It really does get easier each year.

The biggest thing that’s helped us? Be patient. And communicate—constantly. Feeling under-appreciated? Communicate. Feeling like you do everything around the house? Communicate. The best advice I’ve heard? It doesn’t have to be 50/50—but it should feel equal to both of you. Even when it’s hard or uncomfortable. Especially then. No one can read your mind, and this season can pull you in opposite directions if you’re not careful. Be honest, even when it’s messy.

Some days, I feel completely touched out, overstimulated, and just over it. I scroll my phone to cope—not ideal, but real. The truth is, surviving this season sometimes looks messy. Give yourself grace.

And make space for you—every single week. Whether it’s a Target run (even on a residency budget), a quiet moment to sew during nap time, blogging during snack time, painting while watching reality TV, or joining a gym just for the childcare—do it. You need it. You deserve it. A recharged mom is a better mom. Your time isn’t selfish—it’s survival!

Watching Your Family Grow.
Some of the best parts of this season? Watching my husband become a doctor. He speaks in medical jargon now and I nod like I understand. But seeing him grow from the guy I met at a hot tub (will tell soon) to the man he is now? It’s wild. He’s smart, steady, kind, and just… mine. I still don’t know why he puts up with my stubbornness, but I’m glad he does. *cries*

And Sienna? She’s truly becoming her own little person. I still call her my baby, but she’s blossoming every day. She’s made friends, started talking, jumping off furniture, sharing her opinions, and even tells me what to do with my hair! She’s obsessed with princesses, laughs at her own jokes, and loves a good Bluey episode—especially the parts that actually make her laugh out loud. These milestones? Pure magic. She’s perfect.

I’ve learned to let go of the FOMO and fully lean into the life we’re building. I got back to the gym, found joy in collecting seashells with my toddler, and—surprise!—discovered I really love pickleball (those killer shots feel amazing). I’m more confident in myself than I’ve been in years. And through it all, I’m raising a daughter right in the middle of this hard, beautiful season. That alone makes every challenge totally worth it.

You’re not “just a mom.” You’re THE mom. Own it. Every year, you’ll see yourself grow in ways you never expected—and it’s incredible. You’re doing amazing, mama. Truly.

Sometimes, You Lose Yourself.
Residency life can blur the lines between who you were and who you’re becoming. You might find yourself wondering where the old you went — the one with her own dreams, hobbies, and space to breathe. It’s easy to get swallowed up by supporting your partner, managing the household, and keeping everything afloat.

But here’s the bigger truth: you’re allowed to have your own dreams too. Start small. Give yourself permission to want something that’s just yours—even if it’s an hour with a book, a side hustle that lights you up, totally owning someone in pickleball, or a project you may or may not finish (same). It’s not being self-centered. It’s how you stay whole.

I’ve found little pieces of myself again through sewing. It’s turned into my version of therapy—nap time becomes “me time” with a playlist, a cozy corner, and something creative to work on. If sewing sounds like your kind of reset, I recommend starting with a beginner-friendly machine and tools that make it feel fun, not overwhelming. Link to my sewing essentials.

To the Girl Who’s Just Starting

To the girl who’s just starting this journey:
I see you. I know how heavy the unknown can feel—how moving boxes, goodbye hugs, and a suddenly empty support system can feel like too much. I know what it’s like to cry in the car after a Target run, because you saw three moms laughing together and you miss your people.

This chapter won’t be easy, but it will be stretching and sacred. You will grow in ways you didn’t know you needed. You’ll become the kind of strong that’s quiet—not loud or flashy, but steady and sure. You’ll learn how to make a new life from scratch, build your own support system, and create a home with heart—even when the walls are bare and your husband’s on night shift.

You’ll surprise yourself with how capable you are. You’ll figure out meal planning, insurance, bedtime meltdowns, and fixing the AC. (Why is it always the AC?)

You’ll have hard days—yes. But give yourself grace. Celebrate the little wins. Dream big, even if you start small. Start scared if you have to—just start. Because you matter just as much as the one in scrubs.

Residency life may feel like a blur sometimes, but one day you’ll look back and realize you were becoming someone remarkable—right in the middle of the whirlwind.

You’ve got this. You really do. ❤️

Year Two

We’re heading into Year Two now. My goal? To keep being the village—for the new moms just arriving and the friends getting ready to move on. I started this blog as a creative outlet and a way to connect, because this life can feel lonely—but it doesn’t have to.

Another goal? Being the mom and wife my family needs isn’t about doing it all perfectly or checking off every to-do. Some days I’m tired or scattered, and that’s okay. What really matters is that I show up — with love, patience, and my whole heart, even when I’m not feeling my best. That’s what they need most, and that’s enough.

If you’ve read this far, you’re the real MVP. I hope your day is bright, your Dr. Pepper is ice-cold, and your baby naps like a champ.

Still winging it over here—but if I’ve made your day (or your load) a little lighter, then hey… mission accomplished. 💛

Drop a comment if residency life has taught you anything—I’d love to hear. Let’s build this little online village together, because none of us should have to do this alone.

From my sandy home to yours—thanks for being here 🌺

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